Christmas trees don’t have to be the eight-foot elegant affairs of yore, what with their perfectly tied bows, matching ornaments and cranberry garland. No, we’re in the 21st century now and Christmas trees have come a long way. From the best to the absolute worst, here’s our guide of the gaudiest, tackiest trees the season has to offer. No one will ever mistake these for the real thing!
Pink Xmas tree
Everything is pretty in pink with this 4.5-Foot Pre-Lit Pink Cashmere Spruce Artificial Christmas Tree ($57.28) from Kmart. If you’ve got a girlie girl in the house and want to let her have her own tree to express herself, this pink tree will indulge her sweetest side. Decorate it with fuchsia, purple and bright teal blues to give it even more of a Candy Land/Neverland feel. (Get 10 percent off your purchase with Kmart coupons.)
Orange you glad to see me?
What is the most unnatural color for a Christmas tree? I have to go with orange—the most unnatural shade in the world. Get the tiny-tot version of the Vickerman Orange Fir Pre-lit Christmas Tree ($84.99) at ChristmasTreesGalore.com. I’m not sure why anyone would want an orange Christmas tree, much less a 14-foot one, but Christmas Trees Galore has that too: for only $2,973.99! (Deck the tree with savings thanks to ChristmasTreesGalore.com coupons.)
The second most unnatural shade in the world is red. I mean it is Christmas, but this is not just any red. This is fire-engine, make-your-eyes-bleed red. The Red Ashley Pre-lit Christmas Tree ($149.99–$549.98) from ChristmasTreesGalore.com comes pre-lit with 700 lights, but you can’t stop there. You’ll still want to add as much garish decor as you can.
Flip the script
In certain circles, a white Christmas tree is tasteful and elegant. But if you turn it on its head, it’s another thing altogether. A friend of mine used a White Upside Down Tree ($299.99) from Target last year and adorned it with bright-colored balls in blues, yellows and pinks—not your usual reds and golds. It was super cool. (Rock around the Christmas tree with Target coupons.)
This Five-Foot Pre-Lit Battery Operated Silver Fiber Optic Christmas Twig Tree ($199.99) from Christmas Central is one of the strangest artificial trees I’ve seen. Totally minimalistic to the core, it’s all hard branches with battery-operated fiber-optic lighting. In fact, it’s so minimalist, you won’t even need to decorate it. (Light up for these Christmas Central coupons.)
What’s tall, thin and shiny silver? This Five-Foot Silver Glitter Downswept Pine Artificial Christmas Tree ($134.99) from Christmas Central, which is narrow enough to fit in the smallest of corners and glittery enough to dazzle the most jaded drag queen. Winter blues got you down? Get this tree. The entire thing is drenched in iridescent sparkles. How could you possibly be sad after staring at this all night?
Full of whimsy
This Christmas Central Five-Foot Pre-Lit Whimsical Silver Artificial Tinsel Christmas Tree ($95.99) is similar to the aforementioned silver tree but comes with a dash more surrealism. There’s a bend in the tree’s spine that makes it seem off-kilter. The holographic tinsel tips sparkle and glisten thanks to the 100 pre-lit mini lights. Kinda totally adorable.
A Charlie Brown Christmas tree
You can’t have a collection of super-fake-looking Christmas trees without having the ultimate fake tree: the Peanuts Charlie Brown Christmas Tree ($16.74). Available at Sears, this iconic little tree, with its sad, leafless branches and single red ornament, can be yours. It even comes with Linus’ blanket and plays the Charlie Brown theme song. (Get $5 off orders of $50 or more with Sears coupons.)
Okay, so this tree is already sold out, but I can’t help but include it! The Hammacher Schlemmer Fashionista Christmas Tree ($249.95) is one of the most unique “trees” I’ve ever seen, and if you can get your hands on one, it will be the talk of the town. With a cinched waist, broad shoulders and a high collar, it’s shaped like a dress and covered in fake tree branches, pine needles and 150 warm white lights. Weird but cool. (Get free shipping on orders of $89 or more with Hammacher Schlemmer coupons.)
I want candy
Instead of decorating your tree with a million tiny candy canes, why not get a tree that basically is a giant candy cane? The I Want Candy Cane Christmas Tree ($98–$198) from Treetopia comes with red and white diagonal shiny stripes that look just like a candy cane and will be the hit of any party. Plus, this tree might even make you hungry. (Save some green with Treetopia coupons.)