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13 Worst Halloween Costumes Don’t wear these in public if you value your reputation

Worst Halloween costumes

13 Worst Halloween Costumes Don’t wear these in public if you value your reputation

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Everyone has a different way of dressing up for Halloween. There are the creative people who come up with their own costumes; the people who pull together a look from whatever is in their closet; and then the people who buy prefab costumes at the store. And sure you could go as a classic superhero, cowboy or cop. But why do that when you can be utterly ridiculous and the talk of the party?

Here’s my list of the best of the worst costumes guaranteed to get you weird looks, free beer and lots of attention. (A word to the wise: Don’t buy the Slender Man costume. This would be in very bad taste.)

Turkey Rider ($49.99) at Costume Express

Have you ever seen a person ride a turkey? I mean, does anything ride a turkey? The answer is no. That’s why this costume might win the most nonsensical costume of the year. It is designed so that you, a grown adult, look to be riding a turkey around as you would a horse. The turkey is also inexplicably dressed like Santa Claus. You’re welcome.

Turkey Rider Halloween costume

 

Shark Dress ($39.99) at Costume Express

The Shark Dress made this list because it commits one of the ultimate Halloween crimes: It attempts to take something that isn’t sexy and make it so. Sharks aren’t sexy. They aren’t even cute. Did everyone forget this? Go watch Jaws, and get back to me. Yet, the Shark Dress comes with a hoodie and two tail fins that are perfectly placed on your cute, perky butt. If you wear this, I might have to unfriend you.

Sexy Shark Halloween costume

 

Bacon Suit ($59.99) at Costume Express

Sometimes I wonder if whoever designed these costumes just smoked a special cigarette, got really hungry and thought, “Yeah, bacon … bacon sounds good right now. I need to think up a costume idea. Maybe I should make a bacon suit!” And just like that, a suit festooned with bacon is a thing that exists. (Admittedly, I can almost see people wearing this in Las Vegas on a normal day).

Bacon Suit Halloween costume

 

“But, Mommy, I Don’t Want to Grow Up” Costume ($49.99) at Party City

I know. You can’t unsee that and are now scarred for life. How weird and disturbing is this costume? It depicts a grown person dressed as a toddler (with a bonnet, onesie and everything) attached to an inflatable doll that looks like a babushka grandmother. And to make things more uncomfortable, she’s carrying the overgrown baby (that’s you, by the way) on her back. Also, the grandmother resembles the old lady from Drag Me to Hell who puts curses on people. Nightmares every night till Halloween!

Mommy, I Don't Want to Grow Up Halloween costume 

 

Adult Plug and Socket ($44.99) at Party City

If I’m at a party with my boyfriend, I totally want everyone to imagine what we do after dark. I will force them to think about this by wearing a costume designed to look like a socket (as in a light socket), and my boyfriend can wear the plug, which is strategically placed below the belt to conjure up phallic thoughts. No, I actually don’t want this at all. As Susan Powter once wisely said, “Stop the insanity!

Outlet and Plug couples Halloween costume

 

Black Inflatable Adult Suit ($44.99) at BuyCostumes.com

You’ve always wanted to go to a party dressed as a blob. What? You haven’t? Everyone will be baffled by this costume. It is nothingness. It is eternity. It is a void. It is a jet-black suit onto which everyone can project their dreams and desires. Seriously, how do you answer the question, “What is your costume?” (This is also available in green, but it’s just not the same.)

Black Inflatable suit Halloween costume

 

Crybaby Adult Costume ($36.99) at BuyCostumes.com

You haven’t worn diapers, a baby bonnet or had a pacifier around your neck since you were 3 months old. You don’t remember much about those days, and that’s how it should be. But apparently, there are people who want to relive those moments. Pair the Crybaby outfit with someone wearing the “But, Mommy, I Don’t Want to Grow Up” getup, and you will win every costume contest under the sun. Or be jailed for indecency.

Oversized Baby couples Halloween costume 

 

Thing 1 Dress Adult Womens Costume ($49.99) at Spirit Halloween and Sexy Minnie Mouse ($58.95) at Yandy.com

File these two under “Things That Should Never Happen.” Seriously, do not ever turn children’s characters into sexy costumes. This is a form of Halloween sacrilege. Thing 1 and Thing 2 are trippy Dr. Seuss characters that are totally awesome. I don’t need to read a Dr. Seuss book and think about knee-high furry boots and a blue tutu. And as for Minnie and her cleavage-revealing top? Ew! Don’t desecrate the mouse ears like that!

Sexy Thing 1 and Sexy Minnie Mouse Halloween costumes

 

Dumb Ass Face Adult Costume ($19.98) at Spirit Halloween

This is weird but sort of awesome. Taking the colloquial expression “dumbass” literally, here’s a costume that has you wearing a big butt with a tiny hat over your head. You’ll be guaranteed to be the butt of every joke all night.

Dumb Ass Face Halloween costume

But do you know what would win Halloween? Someone wearing the sexy Minnie Mouse costume with the Dumb Ass Face. I would pay good money to see that!

 

Coupon tips from our editors bannerCostume Express: Get 15% off your order.

Party City: Enjoy free shipping on any costume purchase.

BuyCostumes.com: Through October 31, take 20% off sitewide and get free shipping on $75 or more.

Spirit Halloween: Save 20% off one item.

 

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